This just in! Tom Cruise dumps Katie Holmes for Nicolas Cage! A publicist for the pair informs us that it was when they "looked into each other's eyes and recognized the crazy" that they knew they were meant to be together. No word yet on what bizarre name they'll give their first child. (Our money is on "General L. Zod Hubbard"--whether it's a boy or a girl.)
In other news, mega-producer Jerry Bruckheimer hugs a bald man.