And yeah I really do think....

I find it frustrating that a pop singer who's been around for about a decade and a half figures prominently in 90% of the conversation about a word that has been part of the English language for 500 years, the proper usage of which she never understood in the first place. It's just so... oh, what's the word I'm looking for...?

Related links:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/irony

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/alanismorissette/ironic.html

The Creator

(Inspired during a Sunday school class on the evils of a non-literal interpretation of Genesis. Original date of writing: Sunday, February 11, 2007.)

The God I worship, the God who created the universe, the God who sustains the universe--that God, my God, is powerful enough to speak the Grand Canyon into existence, to create that wonder of the natural world by simply whispering Be; and that same God, my God, is powerful enough to lovingly, meticulously sculpt the Grand Canyon out of the desert rock over billions of hours in the workshop.

For my God, the Omnipotent God who stands outside of time and space, who sees all of time and space in a pin-prick in His palm, who made time and space by the creative work of His word and His hand--for that God, my God, the instant of His thought and those millennia of craft and art are the same.

Why then do we still attempt to contain that timeless God in a 6,000-year-square box?

Pay It Forward?

A young guy approached me on my way into Wendy's. He was no older than me. He asked me if I could spare a couple bucks for a sandwich.

"A sandwich here?" I asked, pointing to Wendy's. He said yes. I told him to come with me, that I'd buy him something. He wanted a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger.

"Is that it?" I asked. "Don't you want anything else? Something to drink?"

"No," he said, "I'll get some water." Then he added, "Maybe a dollar five-piece?"

"Five-piece chicken nuggets?" I asked. He said yes. "No problem. Actually, I think I'll get the same thing."

I ordered two Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers and two orders of the five-piece chicken nuggets.

"Is this to stay or to go?" asked the girl at the register.

I looked over my shoulder at the guy. "To go?" He said yes. "To go," I said, noticing the girl's strange expression.

"What kind of sauce would you like with your chicken nuggets?" she asked.

Before I could answer, the guy came up next to me and said quickly, "Sweet and sour." At least the guy knows his sauces.

"Okay," I nodded. "Sweet and sour."

Again, the girl's strange expression. "Is this... together?"

"Yes," I said, "it's together."

I paid. She went to get the order. When she came back, I clarified, "Separate bags."

"One of each in each?" she asked.

"Yes," I said. She gave us our bags.

"Could I have a cup for water?" the young guy asked. She gave him a cup of water. With ice.

"Thanks a lot, man," he said to me when the transaction was done.

"It's no problem," I said. Then, as I gathered my bag to leave, I thought to myself, I hope you pay it forward.

I then went out to my car to eat, where my fifty-cent Pepsi refill from the discount theater was waiting for me. Yes, I had planned this ahead. I'm trying not to spend too much, which is why I eat at places like Wendy's when I'm out. (I also love movies, which is why I'd been to the discount theater. I could go on justifying myself all day.)

As I was pulling out of the Wendy's parking lot, I almost ran over the same guy as he was leaving the restaurant. I waved at him, but he didn't seem to notice me, even looking right at me. I then realized this was because he was too busy trying to get away with the jacket he'd stolen.

I hadn't immediately noticed the jacket--it was pink and sort of puffy--not until an older woman and a younger female employee came after him. I couldn't hear anything, but I could see him trying to play it off like he'd found the jacket lying on the floor. Older woman wasn't buying it, so he sheepishly gave back the jacket and then took off down the street.

I drove away feeling a mixture of amusement, disappointment, and pity, my appetite temporarily sated, my skin-and-bones résumés sitting on the passenger seat.

I hope that guy's warm enough.

Monday Morning Tirade

We all know that there is something terribly wrong with radio DJs. And I hope most of us realize that roughly 73% of the music they play is utter tripe. (If you had a private giggle over the phrase "utter tripe" because you get the pun, give yourself a cookie--with milk, of course.)

However, last night I heard a DJ do something so mind-bogglingly stupid that I must share. If I keep it to myself, I'm afraid my cerebrum may implode. He was talking about the song he was about to play--U2's "Where the Streets Have No Name," one of the best songs ever recorded and the opening track from their heavenly 1987 Joshua Tree album. He played a segment of an interview with the band's lead guitarist and keyboardist, The Edge (so named, it seems, because of his face).

It was an interesting behind-the-scenes tidbit about Mr. Edge's intentionally simplistic guitar stylings and how it lent itself to the overall sound of U2's music in general and to "Streets" in particular. I'm so glad I was able to catch it while channel surfing on my long drive between Philadelphia and Akron, Ohio, because it gave me a new appreciation of a classic.

Now you're asking, if I enjoyed the interview so much, why am I complaining?

The DJ played the interview over the song's entire musical intro. It's bad enough when these guys talk over a great song's intro. But to run an interview about the music over the music so that the listener is then unable to properly appreciate the song or the newfound perspective on the song--that takes either an astounding amount of thoughtlessness (even for a disc jockey) or a disturbing amount of sinister glee (even for a disc jockey).

This has to be one of the biggest professional discrepancies on the planet: the people in charge of airing the music have neither the proper appreciation nor the proper respect for it.

On a related note, another station later played the long version of the Fugees' 1996 cover of Roberta Flack's "Killing Me Softly"--which is to say, the obnoxious version of an otherwise great hip-hop cover--followed by the radio edit of Sheryl Crow's "Soak Up the Sun," which, missing a full minute-and-a-half, robs it of much of its rhetorical context and makes it the most ludicrously truncated song this side of "Lightning Crashes."

But who really wants to spend a whole five minutes listening to a good song when you can hear 80% of it in four-fifths of the time? It gives your playlist more room for your Beyoncés and your T-Pains and your Katy Perrys, and without them we might have no idea what sub-par songwriting sounds like.

Can anything good come out of February? (Part II)

2/13

Confessions of a Shopaholic

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1093908/

Director P.J. Hogan gave us the enjoyable My Best Friend's Wedding back in 1997. Isla Fisher is a beautiful actress who has proven, especially with her deranged performance in 2005's Wedding Crashers, that she is a comedic force to be reckoned with. Together, they will probably deliver an enjoyable piece of fluff, albeit one high on cliché.


The International

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0963178/

At first glance, this looks like just another paranoid thriller starring the overexposed Clive Owen. However, the man behind it all is none other than Tom Tykwer, the German director who gave us such unique films as the fate-entangling Winter Sleepers, the bizarre romance The Princess and the Warrior, and most notably, the kinetic thriller Run Lola Run. Thus, this one is high on my must-see list for the year.


Friday the 13th

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0758746/

Director Marcus Nispel was behind the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which I highly recommend you never see. This is a remake of the unpleasant and not particularly good original Friday the 13th of 1980. I’m thinking there’s a lot more girl-killing here, which always makes for great entertainment. Like Mike Neslon, host of “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” once said, “You think a lot of guys who make movies have issues with women?”


Two Lovers

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1103275/

This is writer/director James Gray’s third film with the endlessly interesting Joaquin Phoenix. I have not yet seen last year’s We Own the Night, but 2000’s The Yards was a well-crafted if not particularly memorable film. Two Lovers is in limited release.


Gomorra

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0929425/

I’ve been hearing great things about this Italian crime epic; alas, I shall have to await the DVD release, as it appears to be showing only in New York and L.A.

Walt Disney Cops a Feel

I am not in the habit of besmirching someone's name, but occasionally I feel inclined to make snarky comments about something I see in a video. Click on the following link and pay attention around the four-minute mark:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99OMrsEag0A

Personally, I think I would go for the belly or the waist in such circumstances, but then again I've never had to try to keep a lady from falling face-first off a dock. Still, could there be a more awkward way to steady a tipsy woman?

I'd love to be privy to the conversation that took place when all the cameras and microphones were gone. Maybe it would sound like a scene from Raging Bull. "Did you feel my wife? Did you feel my wife?"

By the way, where were my mermaids? I remember when I was little and went on the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride thinking that I really was in the deep, so I can only imagine how thrilled I would have been if I had seen mermaids! Would've been way better than animatronic squids.

I wonder how many youngsters hit early puberty on Disney's Nautilus. Submerge a boy, surface a man.

And I love how things in this old film devolve from "we can use this new submersible technology to learn and explore and bring peace and progress as humanity" to four straight minutes of scantily clad women with fin attachments doing water ballet.

Can anything good come out of February? (Part I)

This is the time of year when a whole lot of cinematic crap is excreted from the recta of the major film studios. But there might be a gem or two in there. (Wow, that sounds like it could be a bit painful, huh?)

I'm going to take a look ahead at what's coming to theaters this month and offer my thoughts on each one. And for those of you who find interest in such things, I referenced the New Testament in my title. Whoever tells me what book, chapter, and verse first gets a cookie! Two cookies if you can tell me the name of the person credited with uttering the original quote, which was possibly the best joke ever made about Jesus Christ, at least until the Chitty Chitty Death Bang episode of "Family Guy." (http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi3023962137/)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2/6

The Pink Panther 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0838232/

Remember when Steve Martin was funny? You might have to think back awhile. Did Planes, Trains & Automobiles really come out more than a decade ago? I'll give a few points to any movie for featuring the adorable Emily Mortimer (watch Disney's The Kid), but overall my thoughts on this franchise can be summed up thusly: Rest in peace, Peter Sellers. If you can.


Push

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465580/

Call me a cynic, but this looks like another lame Matrix rip-off (which some claim to be itself a Dark City rip-off). The marketing for this one includes some of the lamest TV spots I've ever seen. Marketers used to reserve quotes attributable to no one for the back of the video. Now they're using them on television ads.


He's Just Not That Into You

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/

I must admit to enjoying the trailer for this film--the first time I saw it. It actually gave me a new perspective on the male-female romantic relationship. Now I've seen the TV ad about a hundred times, and I just can't wait for this to come and go. On its own merits, it appears to boast a decent cast with some good lines, but also some tired cliches. However, having never watched HBO's "Big Love," I have only just discovered Ginnifer Goodwin and would probably watch this movie just for her.


Fanboys

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0489049/

A group of Star Wars geeks go to Skywalker Ranch to steal a copy of The Phantom Menace for their dying friend because he might not live to see its release? Curses that this movie is not showing in my area! Curses! (Yes, I'm a Star Wars geek.)


Coraline

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0327597/

This is it, people. This is the most exciting movie coming out this month. This is the one I'd put my money on to be not only the best movie of the month, but one of the best of the year. Director Henry Selick is one of the three brilliant minds responsible for giving us the milestone classic The Nightmare Before Christmas (along with creator/producer Tim Burton and composer Danny Elfman). Coraline looks to be just as fantastic and creepy and beautiful. If you get to the theater once this month, this is the one I suggest seeing.